: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
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just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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