My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize