I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
