he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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