so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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