I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
