I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
