Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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