i wish starbucks made bloody marys
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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