I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Watching her eat just hurts me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
