i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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