he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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