Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
