And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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