i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
