It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
