I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
