Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
