why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...