On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.