I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.