yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head