Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.

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(716): she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless. http://tfl.nu/eill

Replies (29) Good night (6502) Bad night (1187)
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(812): View more from Indiana

My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

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(812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju

Replies (98) Good night (3792) Bad night (9102)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now

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(828): I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now http://tfl.nu/merq

Replies (12) Good night (3407) Bad night (1109)
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(207): View more from Maine

My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

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(207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf

Replies (8) Good night (4532) Bad night (1114)
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(516): View more from New York

he has the hands of the vagina gods.

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(516): he has the hands of the vagina gods. http://tfl.nu/xhgv

Replies (12) Good night (4573) Bad night (934)
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(708): View more from Illinois

we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love

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(708): we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love http://tfl.nu/30hf

Replies (17) Good night (6605) Bad night (945)
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(765): View more from Indiana

You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"

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(765): You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?" http://tfl.nu/g1nx

Replies (21) Good night (1421) Bad night (4001)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.

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(804): I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit. http://tfl.nu/xryz

Replies (5) Good night (1480) Bad night (538)
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(905): View more from Ontario

My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.

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(905): My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again. http://tfl.nu/lu9i

Replies (9) Good night (726) Bad night (1020)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)

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(775): Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume) http://tfl.nu/nwkp

Replies (6) Good night (1485) Bad night (432)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.

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(859): Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo. http://tfl.nu/co0z

Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (328)
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(630): View more from Illinois

How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?

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(630): How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday? http://tfl.nu/cltz

Replies (5) Good night (749) Bad night (395)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.

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(617): she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon. http://tfl.nu/r3ld

Replies (13) Good night (331) Bad night (1354)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.

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(610): The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly. http://tfl.nu/cjbh

Replies (3) Good night (567) Bad night (254)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?

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(610): How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too? http://tfl.nu/27f3

Replies (2) Good night (205) Bad night (426)

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