Texts From Last Night

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  (+44): View more from England

  why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

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  (+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star?? http://tfl.nu/ikzh
  Replies (13) Good night (1078) Bad night (3206)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.

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  (321): I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code. http://tfl.nu/ho8g
  Replies (14) Good night (4418) Bad night (725)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".

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  (705): You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this". http://tfl.nu/puns
  Replies (39) Good night (8450) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.

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  (412): Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody. http://tfl.nu/qy8l
  Replies (7) Good night (1037) Bad night (4999)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall

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  (212): He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall http://tfl.nu/usfu
  Replies (4) Good night (4075) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.

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  (318): I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning. http://tfl.nu/5etp
  Replies (4) Good night (3707) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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  (352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1861) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl

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  (408): So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl http://tfl.nu/o5bm
  Replies (8) Good night (2262) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.

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  (630): He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/kvrj
  Replies (13) Good night (1460) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out

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  (828): Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out http://tfl.nu/cm81
  Replies (0) Good night (1012) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.

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  (303): Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package. http://tfl.nu/50h2
  Replies (3) Good night (956) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.

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  (912): We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day. http://tfl.nu/r8kt
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.

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  (630): If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening. http://tfl.nu/shu6
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (231)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Flo's in town, ain't she.

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  (720): I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory. (303): Flo's in town, ain't she. http://tfl.nu/80za
  Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid

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  (+44): I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid http://tfl.nu/nlje
  Replies (3) Good night (556) Bad night (155)

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