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• (619): View more from California

  he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone

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• (631): View more from New York

  im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low

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• (408): View more from California

  I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.

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• (518): View more from New York

  The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties

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