he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties