I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
