trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
