im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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