You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize