I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
