Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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