apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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