You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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