In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
