Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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