I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
