Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
