i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
