Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
oh god was she eating orange peels again
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
