I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
