he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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