Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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