i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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