someone owes me an orgasm
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
