after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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