so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
