im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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