please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
