I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
