if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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