CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
