Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
