God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
