Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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