no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
