I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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