Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm having to shit out rocks
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
