The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is classic penis vs brain.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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