u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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