The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
