I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
