I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
