Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
