hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found your dick twin last night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
