i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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