So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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