The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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