does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
