I saw his package. It spoke to me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
