okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
