chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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