that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
