Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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