its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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