Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
